i awake to the smell of maize and the itchy hot of the sun pricking my eyelids. the malleable flesh on the thickest parts of my thighs and buttocks has taken on the valleys and plateaus of the bench's red planks on which they've rested for these last few hours. startled by my dreams, head reeling, i rise and place my dusty bare feet onto the splintered floor of the neglected porch. the world is glowing blue and buzzing from every tree. the vibration of the air breaks through the barrier of my skin and spills me across the fields and pastures and pulsating pines. i am buzzing blue. i see my father in the pasture piling the scraps and trash, waste and rubbish; engineering a bonfire to rid us of the filth. stepping down from the porch my toes shake hands with the moss and curl into the sandy earth. i walk this way towards the gasoline scented tower of debris, purposefully lifting feet only high enough to scrape the tops of my toes on the grasses and ground-covering. i reach the heap as it ignites. we stand in silence, father and i, on opposite borders of the inferno. my eyes lose focus as the fingers of flame turn into hands and then into dancers. cadmium and crimson dresses leaping and laughing, dropping into an old dresser drawer and appearing moments later atop a charred tin can. my hands and face burn hot to the touch, if anyone were to touch. ants crawl over my feet to escape the incinerator. i don't notice. my light cotton dress lifts and sighs from the breath created by the fire. the breath kisses my cheek and whispers in my ear. soothing, hushed whispers spoken with held inhale into the hair of lovers. quiet pleas of unyielding temptation. "Let me erase the dirt from your hands. let me melt the skin you despise. let me kiss your fractured bones. let me dissolve the brain holding you here." my feet leave the earth with conviction as i join the fiery ballet with a smile and call out my impassioned reply- "yes. yes. yes.yes."